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10 Signs Your Abuser is a Narcissist

Not all abusers are narcissists. Over 1.6 million people experience intimate partner violence. 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner. Causes of abuse can be attributed to childhood trauma/abuse, post-traumatic stress disorder, substance use, bipolar disorder, intermittent explosive disorder, and other mental illnesses.

Here are 10 common signs your abuser is a narcissist:

1. Lack of Friends

Narcissists are unable to make close connections in fear of being found out. As such, they will have little to no friends. They will make you feel guilty for spending time with friends instead of with them, and try to isolate you away from your support system.

2. Lack of Empathy

Narcissists do not do emotions! The lack of empathy or ability to feel is the major reason why narcissists relationships fail. In a healthy relationship, both partners care for each other’s wellbeing. In a narcissistic relationship, the caring partner will not feel cared for and show signs of sadness and loneliness. Narcissists are incapable of connecting with other people’s feelings, causing their partner to feel unheard or ignored in the relationship. Over time, you will learn to not express your feelings or share the things that are happening in your life.

3. Charming Demeanor

Narcissists are very charismatic and in most cases attractive. Early morning calls or texts seem sincere and innocent at first. Once the charm wears off – their partner is left feeling empty.

4. Love Bombing

Constant calling, texting, showering you with gifts, saying "I love you" too soon, are all techniques used by a narcissist to trap their prey. Love bombing causes internal conflict and confusion to the narcissist’s partner.

5. Excessive Need for Admiration

If your partner is constantly fishing for compliments (maintaining that supply), you may feel exhausted looking for new ways to admire your mate. You may receive little compliments or admiration, no matter how hard you try.

6. Sense of Entitlement

Narcissists expect to receive special treatment because they are special. If you do not bind to their every wish or demand; they will act out. You may receive the “cold shoulder” or “silent treatment,” or throw a temper tantrum or result in name calling or physical abuse.

7. Manipulative Behavior

Narcissists are the master’s of emotional manipulation. They will try to control your thoughts and desires. Making future promises and emotional blackmail are two forms of manipulation but gaslighting is most common. Manipulation causes confusion, low self-esteem, anxiety, shame, and guilt. You may also be manipulated to stay home, not go to work, engage in sexual acts, or spend bill money on the narcissist.

8. Jealous of Your Achievements

Talking about your achievements will trigger a narcissist’s insecurities and jealousy. They will escape the topic by cutting you off or changing the conversation. They will talk negatively behind your back and/or makeup lies to discredit you and your accomplishments.Victims of this type of abuse generally isolate and lose strong bonds with family, friends, and co-workers.

9. Hogs Conversation

Narcissists love to talk about themselves. They will embellish and flat out lie to make themselves look better than others or inflate their accomplishments. There is no room to talk about your accomplishment, nor do they care.

10. Exploitation

People in their life are viewed as objects to meet their needs. They will take advantage of others without guilt or shame. They do not think about how their actions affect others – leaving their victims feeling unloved and uncared for.

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Naureen Ahmed

Relationship & Trauma Coach | Founding Director SEEMA
Speaker | Writer | Podcaster | Therapist-in-Training

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