Part 3: Out of the Darkness

وَقَالَ رَبُّكُمُ ادْعُونِي أَسْتَجِبْ لَكُمْ ۚ إِنَّ الَّذِينَ يَسْتَكْبِرُونَ عَنْ عِبَادَتِي سَيَدْخُلُونَ جَهَنَّمَ دَاخِرِينَ

And your Lord says, "Call upon Me; I will respond to you."

Surah Ghafir, Ayah 60

The next day I went to my mother's to pack my things. I scowled as I packed my suitcase, listening to my mother complain to my Nani on the phone, as she paced the house. Everyone was my enemy.

After some time, my mother called out to me.


“What!” I retorted, angrily.

“Idhar aao, come here.”

I entered the den and saw her lying on the sofa.

“What, Mummy,” I said with annoyance.

She gestured for me to come closer.

I kneeled down next to her on the sofa.

And she began, “Beta (My child), why are you doing these things? You are making wrong choices. This dunya (world) is full of problems. Look at my life, I never did anything haram (sinful). But look at me, now. I lost my husband, I lost my mind, all I do is cry. Life will give you problems. Don’t create more problems for yourself.”

لَقَدْ خَلَقْنَا ٱلْإِنسَٰنَ فِى كَبَدٍ

"Certainly, We have created the human being to face a great deal of hardship."

Surat Al-Balad (90:4)

For the first time in my young life, my mother was giving me guidance. I was no longer invisible. She saw me. She spoke to my heart in a way I could understand. She was right, I couldn’t deny it. Everyone on this Earth has problems, some within ones’ control, and some beyond ones’ control. Her life was a perfect example of the latter, subhan Allah.

We held each other and wept. I apologized for causing her additional stress. She had enough to worry about, being a single parent and dealing with her own mental illness. She then asked me to swear on the Quran that I would never repeat my mistakes ever again.

I didn't want to do those things. It wasn't me. I didn't want to cause any trouble. I was just lost, and needed guidance.

I was ready to submit.

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